it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
