before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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