mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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