I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
