While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
