hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
