My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
