I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
