So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
