Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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