i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
