What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
