I cannot find my penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
