took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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