not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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