Can i not drive my cunt home
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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