Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
