Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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