I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
