no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
