Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
