I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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