Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
