i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
