a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
