I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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