I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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