then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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