What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
