I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
