I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
