Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
