His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
