Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
