what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Text me some of your sweat
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
