lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
