drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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