You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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