hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
