Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
