i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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