Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
