piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
