i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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