just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
