Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
