My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Boobs are out for the taking
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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