I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
