At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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