just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
