as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I forgot how hot balto sounded
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
