Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
