wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Maybe he injected his testicle?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
