You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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